DOG JOKES AND FUNNY DOG STORIES

Tail Wagging Dog Tales

Question: When’s a good time for a good laugh? Answer: Today! So, I declare this a laughing day at GermanShepherdPlace.com. So, enjoy some silliness, some jokes and a few tall stories about our canine friends!

Q: Where do you find a dog without legs? A: In the same place you left him.

Outside of a dog a book is man’s best friend. Inside a dog, it’s too dark to read. Groucho Marx

From: DogsAreTheCoolest.WordPress.com:

Seeing Eye Dog

A blind man walks in to a department store with his seeing eye dog on a leash. The store manager behind the customer service counter looks up, notices the customer is blind, and quickly looks away again. Out of the corner of his eye he sees the blind man start swinging the dog over his head with its leash.

Shocked, the manager runs over and says, “Mister, is there a problem – is there something I can help you with?” The blind man calmly replies, “No thanks – I’m just looking around.”

Two Scottish Nuns

Two Scottish nuns have just arrived in the USA by boat and one says to the other, “I hear that the people in this country actually eat dogs.” “That’s odd,” her companion replies, “but if we shall live in America, we might as well do as the Americans do.” Nodding emphatically, the mother superior points to a hot dog vendor and they both walk towards the cart. “Two dogs, please,” says one. The vendor is pleased to oblige, wraps both hot dogs in foil, and hands them over the counter. Excitedly, the nuns hurry to a bench and begin to un-wrap their ‘dogs’. The mother superior begins to blush and, then, staring at it for a moment, leans to the other nun and whispers cautiously, “What part… did you get…?”

From Jokes4Us.com:

Rottweiler

A man walks into a bar one day and asks, “Does anyone here own that rottweiler outside?” “Yeah, I do!” a biker says, standing up. “What about it?” “Well, I think my chihuahua just killed him…” “What are you talkin’ about?!” the biker says, disbelievingly. “How could your little runt kill my rottweiler?” “Well, it seems he got stuck in your dog’s throat!”

Playing Chess

A man went to visit a friend and was amazed to find him playing chess with his dog. He watched the game in astonishment for a while. “I can hardly believe my eyes!” he exclaimed. “That’s the smartest dog I’ve ever seen.” “Nah, he’s not so smart,” the friend replied. “I’ve beaten him three games out of five.”

From Just-One-Liners.com:

My dog’s favorite bone is in my arm! Rodney Dangerfield (1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor.

If you want to cure your dog’s bad breath, just pour a little (Listerine) in the toilet. Jay Leno (1950 – ) comedian & television host.

We’ve begun to long for the pitter-patter of little feet – so we bought a dog; well, it’s cheaper, and you get more feet. Rita Rudner (1953 – ) comedian, dancer & writer.

How can you tell if a Korean broke into your house?…Your dog is missing, and your homework is done. Suzanne Whang (1962 – ) American television host, actress & comedian.

Dogs feel very strongly that they should always go with you in the car, in case the need should arise for them to bark violently at nothing right in your ear. Dave Barry (1947 – ) American columnist & humorist.

Watching a baby being born is a little like watching a wet St. Bernard coming in through the cat door. Jeff Foxworthy (1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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